I heard we made out
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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