he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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