I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
