i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
