Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
