Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
