i just wanna soil my oats bro
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
