PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
