i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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