if i can run in heels then i can drive
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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