you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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