tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
