I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
