Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
