You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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