I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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