once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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