I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
