She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
