I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Is it because I queefed?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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