booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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