I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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