You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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