If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
