I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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