a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
