So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
