I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
