We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize