he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
