Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
