Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
