I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
