Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
