matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
