I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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