did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
