im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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