Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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