She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
