I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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