could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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