and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
