Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
