her vagine was all disorganized.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize