mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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