I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
