Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
