He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
