omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You were trust falling into bushes
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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