make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
