Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm too high and old for this...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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