just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize