just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
this hospital has no fireball
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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