Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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