hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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