I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
