he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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