thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
