you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
