Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize