your room smells of hookers.
And success
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
