ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
