I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
