I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
