Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
be right there i have to get my cape
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
