I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
